Showing posts with label Yahoo Answers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Yahoo Answers. Show all posts

Sunday, August 2, 2009

The Overly Enthusiastic Cat Lover Answer

I had no part in this question or answer. There is really someone out there who loves their cat THIS MUCH.

Q- i'm thinking of getting a cat, either a manx or a ragdoll.
what are the basic things you need to take care of a cat?
is there a bad side of getting a cat?
a good side?
also, what are the average prices of both cat breeds i'm interested in if i'm going to a breeder/pound?

plz add as much as you know about cat care in ur reply ;D


**** YEAH CATS ARE ******* COOL AS **** THEY ARE CUTE AND DAMN CUDDLY **** THEY ONLY NEED FOOD WATER TOYS AND CARE MOTHERFUCKER CATS ARE DAMN AWESOME.
Source(s):
MY OWN COOL *** CAT

Yahoo! Answers question Ten

I found this question on Yahoo! answers and couldn't resist.

I'm pregnant and I have never had sex.?
That's right just went to the doctor who confirmed it. I am 15 almost 16 and never in my life have I had sexual intercourse. But here I am 6 week pregnant! could someone PLEASE EXPLAIN this to me. Cause the doc sure couldn't!!!!



My Answer- Actually, there is a very, very rare medical condition called Burgenhoffer's disease where you don't actually have to be involved in any type of sexual activity in order to get pregnant. Here's how it happens.
When you are born, you have a certain amount of eggs in your ovaries waiting for you to hit puberty so you can start dropping. As you mature, your body releases chemicals, triggering their release. If you have Bergenhoffer's disease, your Y chromosomes have one peptide too many and when your glands start producing estrogen it is chemically imbalanced and causes your body to hoard your eggs instead of dropping them. The extra peptide causes a very volatile concoction in your reproductive organs that, in most cases, causes all eggs to die. But some scientists believe if your eggs survive, they will adapt to their hardships and start developing off of the DNA of the Y chromosomes only. This would trigger the development of the egg into an embryo without the use of sperm, therefore creating a sex free pregnancy.


Actually, I made all of that up. You have to have sex to get pregnant.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Yahoo! Answers questions - Nine

IF YOU COULD PICK ANY FLAVOR IN THE WORLD? What flavor would your pet be?
What about your grandmother?


Best answer- My grandparents were raised during the great depression and raised my parents to live very miserly and frugal. My parents in turn, passed these practices down to my siblings and me. Therefore, I can say with absolute certainty that the flavor I would choose for my late dog Pookie would be similar to mutton; dark meat but not as greasy or earthy. My grandmother on the other hand would be a combination of sponge candy and aspercreme.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Yahoo! Answers questions - eight

My grandfather had always collected old issues of Playboy, Club, etc. throughout the 1950s, 60s, and 70s. He must have had over a thousand copies in his garage. When I was a young boy he caught me looking at them and it became an ongoing family joke. We bring it up frequently and everyone laughs. Last year, when I went to visit, he said if I ever wanted them to just take some because he believed they would end up in the trash eventually. I made a mental note. Last week I stopped by their house and looked in the garage to see if their car was there. It wasn't, but I did see a pile of Playboys stacked next to the trash can. They were from the fifties and I thought they might be collectibles so I picked a few issues up and took them with me, only to find my grandparents pulling in the driveway. Grandpa, who has horrible Alzheimer's, came running from the car calling me a thief. My grandma was shocked that I was stealing grandpas "smut" and I should be ashamed of myself. I tried to explain that he told me I could have them and that he doesn't remember but my grandma wouldn't settle down. Now everyone thinks I'm a Playboy thief. My mom won't talk to me and my sister said today that I was "as disgusting as ever"
What do I do?

Best answer- Grandpa and grandma are hypocrite freaks. I mean seriously he bought all of those books and kept them in their for years?? Grampa's laughing at you, are you serious. End up in the trash eventually, sounds like they are prized possessions to them.

My response- yes, they are hypocrites and they are freaks. All I wanted was a little antique smut but thanks to grandpa and his little disease, I have to stick to my sears catalog.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Yahoo! Answers questions - Seven

But why steal that?
I have a fifteen year old neighbor. He is a nice kid but he's kind of quiet. Today, I stepped out of the house to run to the grocery store and forgot to lock the door. He was sitting on his porch when I left. When I returned, I walked in my house to find him standing in my living room with something in his hands. I thought he stole something of mine so I calmly asked him to show me what it was. He sheepishly opened his hands to reveal a wadded up pair of my dirty underwear. He ran out the door as I stood there in awe, but he took the underwear with him! To make it even worse, he had stolen the smelly, sweaty pair that I wore to the gym on Thursday. He had to have dug for them. What gives? Should I tell his parents, or talk to him, or just leave it alone? Help!!

Best answer- I used to do that.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Yahoo! Answers questions - Six

(Another reminder to my readers, these questions were manufactured by me to get a radical response from the Yahoo Answers community. They in no way represent my personal opinions. So don't freak out and call me, Mom!)

Sir, did you order the breast milk?

I had a rough day at work yesterday so I decided to spoil myself a little and go out to eat at a fancy steak house. The waitress sat me at a small table around a corner where I could enjoy my meal in peace. I could only see one other table from where I sat, which was good because I hate watching other people eat.
I ordered my food and started quietly reading the paper. Suddenly, from around the corner came a family of five,to sit in the only table in the whole restaurant that I could see. Sitting down directly in my line of sight was a woman with a screaming new born baby. She quickly sat down, set her purse on the floor and pulled her plump, veiny breast out and popped it in her kid's mouth!!!
"OH MY SWEET VISHNU!" I yelled. The whole family turned and looked at me, including the newborn with a nipple down his throat and yellow colostrum rolling down his cheek. "CANT YOU COVER THAT UP!?" I screamed. She was extremely offended and got all self conscious and started crying. Did I do the wrong thing? Should I not be offended by this? Is it that hard to cover up those rascals when feeding? They make pumps for a reason.

Best Answer #1- You are a sad, pathetic, lonely person. Do you really feel the need to have the world bend to your daily neurotic twists? Grow up.

Best Answer #2- American women take their freedoms for granted. In many places in the middle east, they can't even show their faces in public. You'd think girls here'd be happy about flashing their whorish little ankles around, but now they want to expose their breasts?

Just the other day, I went to my favorite bar to enjoy a beer, and the girl on the stage kept dancing and flashing her cervix at me.

It's simply disgusting.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Yahoo! Answers questions - five

How many commandments am I allowed to break?
How many of the ten commandments am I allowed to break before I am not allowed into heaven anymore? Is there a set rule? I think I have broken several of them, am I screwed? I really, really, really want to go to heaven and I am starting to get worried. What can I do (other than repent, I need hard results)? Is it like a grading system? I have broken five commandments, which is like 50%. In my book that is failing! Help!

Best answer- None! if you do you can always get forgiveness!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Yahoo! Answers questions - Four

Is my brother a fugitive?
Yesterday my brother called me up and said he had two tickets for a concert and wanted me to go. I initially said no because he always finds a way to get into trouble, but he promised to be good so I agreed to it. We had a few drinks before the show so we could really feel the music, but he continued drinking and got smashed. He did behave himself for the most part and I was proud of him. When the show was over he found me in the crowd and told me he had met a girl and was going to get a ride home with her. I didn't object, so I went home without him and went to bed.
This morning I woke up and found him passed out in the backyard, beaten, bruised, shirtless and handcuffed. I quickly drug him into the house and noticed two puncture wounds on his back, so I think he got the taser. Should he turn himself in? He had no wallet last night so the cops didn't get his ID. No one knew who he was and I know he didn't tell them his name. Anyone know how to get handcuffs off? What should I do?

Best Answer- he is ur bro....take his side. Blood is thicker than water.

My response- I realize blood is thicker than water, though I am having a hard time deciding whether or not it is thicker than cold hard cash. Crime stoppers is anonymous right? I will take his side publicly, but I may have to turn him in. On the other hand, he is a mean mofo.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Yahoo! Answers questions - Three

I'm in love with him, but only when he's a she!I have worked with Rob for about nine months now. He is a normal guy, likes sports, rock music etc. Last week he asked me to go out with him and a few of his friends to Philly. When I showed up at his apartment he sat me down and let me in on a little secret. He was a transvestite. He dressed up and acted like a woman on weekends. At first I was a little freaked out but being the open minded fellow that I am, I learned to accept it... and eventually got very close to Rob's other personality, Roberta. I have no feelings for Rob as a man but when he is Roberta he is soo sexy. He is smart, attractive, fit, elegant and my lord can she dance. We have so much fun together but he doesn't know how I feel. I am not gay and neither is he but I cant stop thinking about Roberta. Its as though they are two different people. Should I tell Rob about it? Should I act on my emotions? I feel so weird. I am a freak huh? Please help. Im so confused.

Best Answer- WTF??

Second Best- I believe that this is like any normal relationship... its as if you like your best friends sister and when Rob is Roberta you should tell her... him?

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Yahoo! Answers questions - Two

Daughter or Lover?
Before getting married to my last wife, Regina, I had reservations about her daughter, Chloe. She was 15, attractive, and had quite the little attitude about her. As an older man with no experience with children, I wasn't so sure I could handle her. They both convinced me otherwise and we finally got married. Things between Chloe and me went great. We got along wonderfully, however, I can't say the same about her mom. We fought and fought, and after four long years, we called it quits. The divorce has just been finalized. I tried to move on by seeing other women but something was missing, I longed for something, but I wasn't sure just what.
Yesterday I heard a knock at the door. I opened it up to find Chloe, crying that she missed me. I felt very proud, untill she started talking about how we can be together now that her mom was out of the picture. She tried to kiss me (with tongue) and tonight she wants to spend the night. I don't know what to do. She is very
attractive and totally legal. I cant stop thinking about her and I recently realized that she is what I have been missing all this time. Should I give it a shot?

Best answer-You've more than proved you can handle children, but now you'll have to prove that you can handle a barely legal adult.

Let her spend the night tonight, but remember that she still has feelings for you in a fatherly capacity. In order to have a meaningful and romantic relationship, you will have to destroy any paternal respect she may still feel for you.

If you really love her as a burgeoning sexual creature, you must slip in her room tonight with a ski mask, ball-gag and bull whip, and systematically deconstruct the last remnants of childlike trust and modesty she may be feeling.

By morning, you should have a clean slate (after you mop the floor) to begin your new relationship.

Longest Answer- No. What you are experiencing is 'normal' and what she is experiencing is 'normal' as well. She is far too young to understand that the reason she is attracted to you is because you were the stable guy within her life that gave her a constant love and she returned that love with innocence. What she is missing is the friendship and closeness. Her hormones are making her want to take it to a deeper level...a more sexual level. You need to have more control over the situation and let her know you will always be there for her, but not in that way.

What you are missing is the closeness of a relationship. You are experiencing -- the empty nest. You want her back because you've watched her grow into a young woman and with the divorce you were ultimately left alone in an "empty nest". Try to get back in the game by being more social and maybe joining a few community projects...maybe take a few classes.

If you go to bed with your ex step-daughter there will be trouble. You will ultimately ruin a relationship between a mother and a daughter. You may hate your ex-wife but bedding her daughter is wrong on many different levels. If you feel like the daughter may have too much control over you...masturbate before you see her, which will help keep your parasympathetic nervous system in control. Ultimately it will help you think without being distracted by arousal.

Let her know that it is wrong and if you guys just can't be friends -- you shouldn't see each other. You are the one that needs to take control of the situation

Yahoo! Answers questions - One

I need constant brain stimulation. When I'm bored, I get desperate for anything that will turn my gears and inspire me, and lately, I've been very, very desperate. Until I discovered Yahoo Answers. It's basically a big Q and A forum with an ass load of topics and no policing force to catch delinquent posters.

I will list a few of my questions along with the best answers, and you will all see why I love doing this.

Accidentally squashed neighbors cat.I Need help?

My neighbors and I don't particularly get along. They have had problems with my "free spirited" lifestyle ever since I moved in. We have been in several arguments and they avoid me at all costs. I, personally don't have a problem with them, but keep my distance, knowing their feelings about me.
Last week I had a party in my back yard, we got a little drunk and loud and they called the cops. They were all standing on their front steps as the police officer put me in the car. Out of rage and anger I yelled "I will get you back for this, I swear on my life!!" I didn't mean it at all and I had no intentions on actually doing anything to them.
This morning I got in my car and as I backed out of the driveway, I heard a loud SKREEETCH! It was their beloved pet cat Sammy, she was apparently sleeping in my wheel well.
The cat was pretty tore up and it was quite the ugly sight. I quickly sprayed off my car with a hose and placed the cat on their porch so they could give it a proper
burial. Now they think I did it on purpose! They have been banging on my door all morning, but I wont answer it. What should I do? Please help!

Best answer- Leave em a note and tell 'em next time it'll be one of their kids.
That'll shut em up right quick.

Longest answer- This is just awful...for ALL of you. I'm going to try not to appear as though I'm lecturing you but please, in the future remember to "keep your words short and sweet. You never know which ones you'll eat" okay?
There were hard feelings already but I understand how upsetting this must be for you, the one on the inside of that door. I am inclined to believe you didn't hurt Sammy on purpose. Give them that chance. They're angry and I've no doubt you must be scared now. But YOU must understand that part of the reason they are getting increasingly aggitated is because you're hiding from them. I AM NOT SUGGESTING THAT YOU GO OUTSIDE TO CONFRONT THESE PEOPLE. But you MUST talk to them. Don't get the police into a situation unless they are kicking your door or threatening you, please. Call them on the phone if you have their number... say something truthful like "I know you keep beating on the door but I was afraid you'd hurt me if I opened it. I swear to God I didn't hurt Sammy on purpose!"
Put a note on your door that says "I AM AFRAID TO OPEN THE DOOR, PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN!"
Go TO the door and talk to them...don't open it until you've made contact and everyone calms down. Be honest, tell them you've got a big mouth and you put your foot in it. Above all tell them you're SORRY. If you would never have hurt Sammy on purpose then TELL THEM that.
Can you imagine what they must be going through? If they loved this cat so much it was as if you'd laid their dead, mangled child on their porch and walked away. They are devastated and out of devastation comes anger and the need to blame someone. You've unwittingly made yourself the target of that anger. Only you can stop what your words created.
They're human..just like you are. Don't play that "well, she shouldn't have been outside" game with these people. It's not going to help. It sounds to me as though they've formed an opinion of you without really knowing you. Perhaps given the chance, they could see for themselves that you are not the type of person who would do such a thing intentionally.
Please make some effort to reach out to them provided they don't turn psycho on you and start throwing stuff at your house or such as that. I think you can work this out.
If you don't? You're going to spend a long time behind that door feeling just as you do now.

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