Apostle's Creed - The Christians' owner's manual

Suppose a friend asked you to get a joint gym membership with him. As with any other proposal, your immediate response would be to consider how you would benefit from it. You weigh the pros and cons and after a brief moment of internal debate, you ask your friend why he thinks you should. What would you say if he responded like this:

"Well, the gym in town donates a lot of money to charities and I think it would feel good to be part of that. Also it's a really old gym and it has a rich history and there is a very strong sense of pride for the members of this gym. Oh, and also, the people there are really friendly and cordial and they always make you feel welcome and appreciated."



You may dwell on it for a moment, and there's a small chance you would join based on the benefits proposed, however, the chances of you joining this gym would greatly increase if you added a few more benefits, like this:

"Well, the gym in town donates a lot of money to charities and I think it would feel really good to be part of that. Also, it's a really old gym and it has a rich history and there is a very strong sense of pride for the members of this gym. The people there are really friendly and cordial and they always make you feel welcome and appreciated. Not to mention, if you do it right, you could become totally healthy, lose weight, increase your quality of life, live longer and boost your self-esteem."



In the first scenario some benefits are listed, but nothing overtly tangible. Everything listed could be attained by some other means and aren't necessarily worth the cost of joining a gym. However, the second option coaxes a bit better with direct, substantive effects and positive physical changes that can ONLY be attained by physical activity, which happens to be the purpose of a gym. Now, one can justify the membership fees because the benefits of the specifics offered by the gym outweigh the money.

Now, let's look at religion like a gym membership. How many successful religions do you suppose there would be if none of them offered the gift of salvation or eternal life or virgins or paradise or reincarnation?

"Hey man, join my church."
"Why?"
"Well, uh, because we are a group of people organized to praise God and promote kindness. Oh, and sometimes we have potlucks."
"Oh. Well, that sounds kind of cool. What do I have to do if I say yes?"
"Well, come to church as often as you can and live life as God wants you to."
"What happens if I don't do those things?"
"Nothing."
"What happens if I do?"
"Nothing."
"I'll pass."

Ultimately, without offering the direct benefit of being able to live forever in a land of golden roads and mansions, religion is just another charity offering soup suppers and can drives. The prospect of spreading the word and saving (or eradicating) non-believers while also ensuring salvation for one's self keeps membership levels high, devotion strong, and minds closed to non-religious ideals.

That said, let's turn our attention to the more complex issues of religion, like religious texts. Every major religion has them, and they're all equally as confusing. Since, as we concluded above, the biggest reason people subscribe to religion is to experience the afterlife, then why learn anything other than how we can achieve our goal?

When I buy a toaster, I don't want a thousand page owner's manual covering the history of toasters and why toasters are good and where the future of toasters is most likely heading. I just want to know how to safely use the toaster to toast my tasty bread. And if I subscribe to a religion, I just want to know how to get the main benefit from it, which would be going to heaven. Yeah, I'll read the Koran out of curiosity, but give me a simplified form with the basics first, then I'll worry about heritage.



That's why I love the apostle's creed. It basically breaks down the meaning of Christianity and tells people what they need to do to get their cut. So, pretty much just believe the things listed below, and you're good to go.

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Maker of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:

Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost,
born of the virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, dead, and buried;

He descended into hell. [See Calvin]

The third day He arose again from the dead;

He ascended into heaven,
and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty;
from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Ghost;
the holy catholic church;
the communion of saints;
the forgiveness of sins;
the resurrection of the body;
and the life everlasting.

Amen.

Pretty simple, huh? You know all those arguments about what God thinks about abortion and gay people and evolution and slavery and sex before marriage and makeup and stem cell research and "The Stairway to Heaven" backwards? Not important! Just know the ten commandments and follow the above guidelines and you should be A-OK.



Boy, is that a weight off of my shoulders! I just got into Leviticus and man, that's a lot of rules! Now that I've realized the Bible is more-or-less a history novel and reading it is not vital to my salvation, what shall I do with all my time?

Anyone up for going to the gym?