My ultimate fear is that I will fall into the mundane, regimented life that is every American's destiny. I suppose it is, at the very least, a slight blow to the pride of any adult, male human, but imminent nonetheless. Once we started living for pleasure instead of necessity, it became unavoidable. But I often wonder if even neanderthal man experienced, to a certain degree, the same feeling. Did he fear living in the same cave or region his whole life? Did he wonder what life would be like with a different female? Did he hate the fact that after hunting, building fires and skinning bison, he had no time to relax?
Men were created to be strong, agile, violent and aggressive. Men were not created to sit in an office, or classroom, or stay home with kids. By no means do I feel as though I can't, shouldn't, or don't want to, but it often feels unnatural, foreign and alien. So I strive to be adventurous in my daily tasks; running the occasional red light or exchanging socially non-acceptable words with a fellow man for a cheap thrill. But it leaves me with that same sense of unfulfilled emptiness and desire. This desire which is only partially curved by the smell of a campfire, or the feel of three days worth of growth on my face. I look at my muscles and watch them slowly fade into my frame, swapping residency with fat and cellulite. I have not been true to myself or nature in this life, and can only hope that one day I will feel my heart pump adrenaline in support of the defense my territory or family. I wait for this day with patience as I eat another cheesy poof.