It's from Canada, which makes it great, and it's toilet paper with Ann Coulter's face which makes it even greater.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Putting Ann in her place.
If you are anything like me (a level-headed, hard working, God fearing, democracy loving American), then every time you see Ann Coulter on Fox News (which would only be in passing or while you're on the treadmill at the gym because if you are like me (which you already agreed to being) you would have Fox News blocked from your home television) you would say to yourself, "Man, I would really like to wipe my ass with her stupid, skeletor face." Well, I am happy to announce that it is now possible.
It's from Canada, which makes it great, and it's toilet paper with Ann Coulter's face which makes it even greater.
It's from Canada, which makes it great, and it's toilet paper with Ann Coulter's face which makes it even greater.
Monday, January 25, 2010
"But the infidels started it!"
Remember that skinny, pale kid in elementary school that would run and tell the teachers if you so much as looked at him cross? And remember thinking, after he snitched you out, how badly you wanted to kick his ass, even though you didn't want to ten seconds earlier when you were looking at him funny?
That pale, skinny kid is radical Islam. Let me explain.
Said pale, skinny kid - lets call him Roland- went and ratted you out for several reasons.
1- Roland's playing defense. By attacking you and dealing small blows by means of being a booger-headed tattletale, he thinks he is protecting himself and his friends from you and your intimidating posse.
2- Roland has low self-esteem. His parents didn't take his binky from him until he was six and he wears weaved belts. His favorite activity is avoiding contact with real human beings and staring at video games while eating granola. Basically, believing everyone is out to beat him up makes him feel more valuable.
3- Roland loves being a victim. It's easy to get sympathy from a select, close few, he gets a lot of attention and if he ever happens to make a bad decision in life, it's a great excuse to use on his behalf. I was abused/bullied/persecuted as a child seems to work well for a plethora of wrongdoings these days.
While Roland may not be strapping a suicide vest on anytime soon, his delusional plight sounds all too familiar.
Cue the AK wielding, not-so-pale radical Muslim ranting about Islam being bullied by the global powers that be ever since Muhammad (peace be upon him) hopped on his white horse. Just like Roland, the radical Muslims have been using their self-pity as an excuse to make the rest of the world pay for the fact that they have been sheltered and ostracized from the global community.
Because let's face it, if it weren't for the "victim card" Al Qaeda pulls on a weekly basis, they would be no more justified than the very infidel, westerner bullies they claim to be defending themselves from.
But don't get me wrong. By no means am I claiming that Muslims (or Roland for that matter) have not had their fair share of shitty deal. I mean, jeesh, the crusades? Totally not cool. But since when were Muslims the only people to fall victim to barbaric human behavior? Last time I checked, there weren't many Native Americans trying to blow up flights over the Atlantic - and we've been stomping the crap out of their holy land for centuries now.
Every race, religion and gender has been victimized throughout history. Hell, we're all victimizing each other as we speak. But the whole victims begets victims thing doesn't do much in terms of progress, and at the risk of sounding like a corny U2 song, the cycle must be broken. At some point, Roland must wipe the tears from his eyes, learn some social skills and approach the bullies in a way that isn't going to make them want to kick his ass even more. Big boy words go a long way...even on the global playground.
That pale, skinny kid is radical Islam. Let me explain.
Said pale, skinny kid - lets call him Roland- went and ratted you out for several reasons.
1- Roland's playing defense. By attacking you and dealing small blows by means of being a booger-headed tattletale, he thinks he is protecting himself and his friends from you and your intimidating posse.
2- Roland has low self-esteem. His parents didn't take his binky from him until he was six and he wears weaved belts. His favorite activity is avoiding contact with real human beings and staring at video games while eating granola. Basically, believing everyone is out to beat him up makes him feel more valuable.
3- Roland loves being a victim. It's easy to get sympathy from a select, close few, he gets a lot of attention and if he ever happens to make a bad decision in life, it's a great excuse to use on his behalf. I was abused/bullied/persecuted as a child seems to work well for a plethora of wrongdoings these days.
While Roland may not be strapping a suicide vest on anytime soon, his delusional plight sounds all too familiar.
Cue the AK wielding, not-so-pale radical Muslim ranting about Islam being bullied by the global powers that be ever since Muhammad (peace be upon him) hopped on his white horse. Just like Roland, the radical Muslims have been using their self-pity as an excuse to make the rest of the world pay for the fact that they have been sheltered and ostracized from the global community.
Because let's face it, if it weren't for the "victim card" Al Qaeda pulls on a weekly basis, they would be no more justified than the very infidel, westerner bullies they claim to be defending themselves from.
But don't get me wrong. By no means am I claiming that Muslims (or Roland for that matter) have not had their fair share of shitty deal. I mean, jeesh, the crusades? Totally not cool. But since when were Muslims the only people to fall victim to barbaric human behavior? Last time I checked, there weren't many Native Americans trying to blow up flights over the Atlantic - and we've been stomping the crap out of their holy land for centuries now.
Every race, religion and gender has been victimized throughout history. Hell, we're all victimizing each other as we speak. But the whole victims begets victims thing doesn't do much in terms of progress, and at the risk of sounding like a corny U2 song, the cycle must be broken. At some point, Roland must wipe the tears from his eyes, learn some social skills and approach the bullies in a way that isn't going to make them want to kick his ass even more. Big boy words go a long way...even on the global playground.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Pink shmink
Pink necklaces. Pink rubber wrist bands. Pink cosmetics. Pink broaches. Pink t-shirts. Pink sunglasses. Pink laptops. Pink...soup cans. Wait, what? Pink cement trucks? Pink pistols?
Has this breast cancer awareness thing gotten totally out of hand? Don't get me wrong, I'm all about healing and finding cures and surviving and all that jazz, but where do the lines of decency in promoting a cause get drawn? At what point do we filter the products that get a coat of pink to boost sales? How long until American consumers say, "you know what? If I want to help find a cure for breast cancer I'll donate to the American Cancer Society, just don't offer me a pink snow shovel."?
All this wreckless spattering of pink has taken the honor out of the fight for breast cancer and has transformed it into a matter of popular culture and marketing. I find it just as insulting to see a pink cement mixer as I do to see a punk ass kid with a POW MIA tattoo plastered around his forearm because his great uncle is a Vietnam veteran.
As a matter of fact, next time I'm at Walgreens and they offer me a breast cancer awareness flashlight for 4.99 I'll tell them to actually make a difference by donating money to the American Cancer Society, then shove the flashlight up their ass.
If you would like to donate to help fight cancer click here and save yourself from buying some tacky, pink item you don't need.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Protecting the future today
It's every parent's worst nightmare: A drug deal goes bad in the next apartment and the bullets start flying. Your baby, fast asleep in his cozy farm animal quilt, has to dodge lead because mommy and daddy didn't have the resources to buy him a bulletproof crib.
Well, worry no more. At bulletproofbaby.net you can find everything from bulletproof strollers to baby face shields and toddler tasers.
Now I don't have to worry when me and the tykes go for a walk in Compton.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
FYI Stats pulled from Harper's magazine index.
Estimated number of cows it takes to supply the 22,000 footballs the NFL uses every season: 3,000
Number of pigs: 0
Number of wisdom teeth extracted from Americans last year: 9,337,000
Percentage of Chicago restaurant managers who say they allow patrons to smoke cigarettes: 84
To nurse a child: 34
Chances that a first-time user of cocaine will become addicted: 1 in 6
Number of Parisians who break bones or are hospitalized each year after slipping on dog feces: 650
Maximum number of “unsaved” players permitted per team in a Massachusetts evangelical softball league: 4
Number of microphones installed in Redwood City, California, last August as part of its “Urban Gunfire Location System”: 8
Number of town residents killed by random gunfire before the program was instituted: 0
Percentage change since 1978 in the number of Americans who say they believe in ghosts: +200
Percentage of high-school students who say the telephone was invented after 1950: 10
Percentage who cannot name the region of the country William Faulkner wrote about: 67
Cost per minute to hear the Bill of Rights read over the phone “in a provocative manner” by a woman named Bambi: $1.98
Number of pigs: 0
Number of wisdom teeth extracted from Americans last year: 9,337,000
Percentage of Chicago restaurant managers who say they allow patrons to smoke cigarettes: 84
To nurse a child: 34
Chances that a first-time user of cocaine will become addicted: 1 in 6
Number of Parisians who break bones or are hospitalized each year after slipping on dog feces: 650
Maximum number of “unsaved” players permitted per team in a Massachusetts evangelical softball league: 4
Number of microphones installed in Redwood City, California, last August as part of its “Urban Gunfire Location System”: 8
Number of town residents killed by random gunfire before the program was instituted: 0
Percentage change since 1978 in the number of Americans who say they believe in ghosts: +200
Percentage of high-school students who say the telephone was invented after 1950: 10
Percentage who cannot name the region of the country William Faulkner wrote about: 67
Cost per minute to hear the Bill of Rights read over the phone “in a provocative manner” by a woman named Bambi: $1.98
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
So that's what English sounds like
A song written by an Italian composer to sound like English. It's actually kind of frustrating to listen to because the brain wants to make sense of the "English sounding" words, but it can't quite do it.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)