"But the infidels started it!"

Remember that skinny, pale kid in elementary school that would run and tell the teachers if you so much as looked at him cross? And remember thinking, after he snitched you out, how badly you wanted to kick his ass, even though you didn't want to ten seconds earlier when you were looking at him funny?



That pale, skinny kid is radical Islam. Let me explain.

Said pale, skinny kid - lets call him Roland- went and ratted you out for several reasons.

1- Roland's playing defense. By attacking you and dealing small blows by means of being a booger-headed tattletale, he thinks he is protecting himself and his friends from you and your intimidating posse.

2- Roland has low self-esteem. His parents didn't take his binky from him until he was six and he wears weaved belts. His favorite activity is avoiding contact with real human beings and staring at video games while eating granola. Basically, believing everyone is out to beat him up makes him feel more valuable.

3- Roland loves being a victim. It's easy to get sympathy from a select, close few, he gets a lot of attention and if he ever happens to make a bad decision in life, it's a great excuse to use on his behalf. I was abused/bullied/persecuted as a child seems to work well for a plethora of wrongdoings these days.

While Roland may not be strapping a suicide vest on anytime soon, his delusional plight sounds all too familiar.



Cue the AK wielding, not-so-pale radical Muslim ranting about Islam being bullied by the global powers that be ever since Muhammad (peace be upon him) hopped on his white horse. Just like Roland, the radical Muslims have been using their self-pity as an excuse to make the rest of the world pay for the fact that they have been sheltered and ostracized from the global community.

Because let's face it, if it weren't for the "victim card" Al Qaeda pulls on a weekly basis, they would be no more justified than the very infidel, westerner bullies they claim to be defending themselves from.

But don't get me wrong. By no means am I claiming that Muslims (or Roland for that matter) have not had their fair share of shitty deal. I mean, jeesh, the crusades? Totally not cool. But since when were Muslims the only people to fall victim to barbaric human behavior? Last time I checked, there weren't many Native Americans trying to blow up flights over the Atlantic - and we've been stomping the crap out of their holy land for centuries now.


Every race, religion and gender has been victimized throughout history. Hell, we're all victimizing each other as we speak. But the whole victims begets victims thing doesn't do much in terms of progress, and at the risk of sounding like a corny U2 song, the cycle must be broken. At some point, Roland must wipe the tears from his eyes, learn some social skills and approach the bullies in a way that isn't going to make them want to kick his ass even more. Big boy words go a long way...even on the global playground.