My Interview with a Politician

Hello Mr. Politician. Thanks for joining us.

No, thank you for taking the time to interview me today and let the great American people get to know me. Rarely are we granted the opportunity to interact with each other in a non-partisan way and I appreciate the chance to do so. That's what makes this country a great nation - one worth fighting for - and that is exactly what I intend to do. Fight for you.

You know, I've been watching the debates lately and I gotta tell ya, I've not been impressed. Why so much question dodging and him-hawing around?

You know, I get a lot of people asking me the same question you just asked, and, let's be clear, I know its difficult with today's economy, to make it. The steel worker in Pittsburgh is feeling it, the teacher in Montana is struggling and the single mother in Utah is under a lot of pressure to make some vital decisions for her family. I'm not blind to these things, and you have to decide, do you want four more years of the same or do you want to put country first?

But you never answered my... nevermind. Let's move on. How do you feel about the conflict in Iraq? If you are elected, what's the next step?

Lets be clear because the American people want straight talk. America has been tested before. This country has been through a lot, and our brave military men and women have sacrificed everything for democracy, for freedom, for what is right. So, if the pundits want to say pass or fail, that's fine, I say one thing; God bless this wonderful country, and if you elect me, I'll make sure that happens.

Make sure what happens, Mr. Politician?

I'll make sure big oil is taxed, and I mean big time. I'll cut taxes until no one pays taxes on anything, ever. I will eliminate greed in all people across the globe and change Washington from the inside out. I will implement the best plan in Iraq and Afghanistan and at the same time I will sit down with all the terrorists at one time and just talk. Talk, talk, talk, until everything is worked out. Oh, also I'll completely stop global warming. By myself.

Those are some big promises, Mr. Politician. Are you sure you are going to fulfil your obligation to keep these promises?


I promise I will. You can take that to the bank, unless, of course, you bank with Washington Mutual. (Laughs) But no, really. I dream big. And I walk the walk, unlike the other guy. They talk the talk. They say they walk the walk, but they voted 43 times against walk walking. 43 times! So how is voting against walk walking helping out the American people? How is voting 19 times against paying troops in Iraq being patriotic? How is voting for evil and tyranny 9 times being patriotic? I sure don't know, but I do know one thing. I love this country.

To be honest Mr. Politician, I don't know what you just said. Can you clarify?

God Bless America and most importantly, may God bless the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan and anywhere else there are Americans who can vote. (Gives thumbs up)